I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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