Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
