kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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