You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
