man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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