I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
