No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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