I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
