It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
