you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
