i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
