Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
