i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
