oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
