dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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