dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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