well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
