dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
