i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
