Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
