Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just puked most of my soul out..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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