i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
