Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm at about main and main street
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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