i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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