My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
