i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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