i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
someone owes me an orgasm
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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