I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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