I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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