Non-Jews are for practice
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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