i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
