dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Everything about him screamed your future.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
