My first STD was from a foam party
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i out mim tonsoeep
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