Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He passed out mid-signature
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
