I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
