I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
