So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
