I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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