I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
