she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
