I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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