the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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