dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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