I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
