he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
