How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
