If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
