I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
