My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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