paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wakey wakey hands off snakey
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
