Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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