Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
