Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
