Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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